Saturday, March 31, 2007

Reasonable


**okay, this blog is about something personal and emotional and huge and still in process....mostly a way for me to think through where God is leading.....if you're looking for cute or clever or even well-written.....quit reading and hit "next blog" up at the top.

Some of you may know that our family has been discussing adoption for some time now. Actually, since before Todd and I were married and were told that it might not be possible for us to have children "the good old-fashioned way". We were so grateful that God had given us both a passion to adopt - when so many couples who struggle with fertility seem devastated about not being able to conceive children, we were excited about the idea of God putting together our own rainbow family. When it turned out that having our own biological kids was possible, of course we were overjoyed, but there was a little piece of me that wondered about that adoption calling we both felt so strongly.....

Over the years we've picked up the idea and chewed on it for awhile, usually to set it aside for another time of life. Before we had the girls, we had an adoption brochure with a picture of a little Korean boy on our fridge....Todd wanted that particular boy, with the spikey black hair.....After the girls were born, we attended an Orphans Conference that Family Life puts on with our friends, the Coccos....and decided that the time wasn't right....Over the last 15 years we've met with agencies and talked about foster care, international adoptions, fostering to adopt, and everything in-between. Sometimes I think we re-visited the idea out of guilt, like that was the thing we should be doing, but but feeling too overwhelmed to proceed....each time, we got the sense that the timing or situation just wasn't right.

A few months ago, God grabbed our attention again and the idea has been something we just can't shake. It is very different this time. Waves of emotion pour over me every time I think about it, I find myself setting clothes aside instead of donating them, I think about what every family moment would be like with another Magruder, when I purchase non-essentials I find myself asking "would this money be better spent on the adoption?", my prayers are consumed with children who feel isolated and alone and unwanted.....

Trust me. I have told God how unreasonble this is. We have wrestled and prayed and cried and worried. We have begged God to close the doors if this isn't what He wants for us.

In a life like ours, already chaotic, already stretched, already so wonderful......it doesn't make sense. We can't afford it. We have 1 bathroom. How would we pay for college? How could we do something so irresponsible when we already have to depend on God so much?

Well, wait a second. Has God said that we should only do things that make sense? Is that how God traditionally works? Do we see him working that way in the Bible? Where does this idea come from that makes me think that we could ever depend on God too much?

When did we start believing that the reasonable thing to do is whatever we can handle without God's help?


Please pray for us if you think of it!

7 comments:

Tammy said...

Wow! What an intense part of your journey... I will certainly say a prayer for you and Todd.

Sunita said...

That was a very intense desription. I had no idea that you guys were thinking about adoption . I think it's great. One of my co-workers and his wife are adopting. They get to bring their son home on May 1st if everything goes right. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Love your sister Sunita!!!!!

Heather W said...

wow - excellent question

I'm thinkin' of you and praying for you!

erin said...

You are in our prayers!
WE LOVE YOU.

Steph H. said...

This is something Josh and I have wrestled with too . . . especially after visiting an orphanage in Ukraine a couple of years ago. (And my body that can't quite figure out how be pregnant in any normal way.) When you think of the money stuff, it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense to do it. But when you're in a room full of children who are waiting to be adopted, it starts to make no sense not to adopt one (or more) of them. I'm praying right now for you.

gretchen lee said...

Thanks for all of the prayers and encouragement (even those of you who think we're crazy!!). We're moving ahead with an application this week!

Janus Torrell said...

Will be praying for you too, good luck with that guys