Thursday, January 22, 2009

The not-so-pretty side of adoption

Over the course of this whole adoption process, we've gotten comments here and there like, "Oh, I don't think I could ever do anything like that", or "what great people you are", or "what a gift you're giving this little girl"....somehow implying that perhaps we're this super-spiritual or super-compassionate family....

The truth is, I don't think I can do it either. We're not great people. We're pretty screwed up, when it comes down to it. And this morning, after we prayed with the girls and got them on the bus, I sat at the dining room table and wept, mourning the loss of my perfect family of 4.

Okay, maybe not perfect....but pretty darn awesome.

We are so excited to bring Selah home, but the only thing that combats this overwhelming fear today is the knowledge that GOD is good. He asked us to do this, wanting the very best for our family, and so I'm confident that Selah is going to make our perfect family of 4 a perfecter family of 5.

Maybe I'm not supposed to talk about those ugly parts....but that's where I'm at.

Overwhelmed with excitement, fear, sadness and joy all at the same time as we prepare to leave tomorrow....please pray for us!

13 comments:

Stephanie said...

It's great that you talk about all sides of adoption. Keeping you in my prayers.

Amanda said...

I spent a significant amount of time with your daughter last week. Adopting an older child is difficult-very difficult. Things will change, no doubt. But, I can honestly say she was sweet, helpful, cooperative and most importantly-ready.
She spoke of her parents and her sisters and she's learning English. She kinda wanders around the HOH while all the younger kids play. She's ready to go home.
I'm hoping your adjustment to a family of 5 is less work than you think it will be. She's special. :)

Jill said...

I, too, mourned the loss of my former life...it's natural. And I think a lot of it is fueled by fear of the unknown. It IS going to be different, radically different but you have a great family and it is about to become even greater. Not only will you see Selah blossom into a beautiful member of the family but I think you will see overwhelming changes in your two girls that you cannot fathom right now. You, as a parent, are being an incredible role model for them and I pray that your new family will be incredibly blessed.

Jenna said...

Such normal feelings, Gretchen. "What if's" are scary. But even scarier are the "what if not's". I'm praying for you right now.

atHisrighthand said...

Gretchen,
Your feelings are very very normal! yeppers.. I think it is all just part of the process.

praying for you and for safe travels!
blessings to you!

Elise
btw- I LOVE the shirt idea! Why didn't I think of that!??!!?!?

Michelle said...

I applaud your honesty and transparency. I think if we were all honest we'd admit that the addition of family members brings some fear and trepidation no matter how they come to us. Change is not always an easy thing, but change brought about by answering the Lord's call is always worth it. We're praying for you.

Missy said...

Safe travels!!! Have a wonderful journey!!

Bethany W. said...

Gretchen,

Thank you for your honesty. You are awesome!
We are continually praying for you all!

Bethany

Kerri said...

Adoption isn't perfect and it isn't easy. For a long time after she came home, I resented the way Medina's presence changed our family. And yet, she had zero control over her presence in our family. It takes a while to adjust but once you make the transition, it's awesome. Hang on during the tough times and you really will get to the awesome.

Mamushsky World Headquarters said...

It is scary and so real now. I have those fears and feelings already!

We love you all and don't forget we are here for ya. Perhaps very soon Selah would enjoy a visit from a little guy who also has pictures of people she knows at HOH?

Wishing you a happy, peaceful trip!
Jenni

Kristin said...

Have a safe trip . . . you are in our prayers!

Sandi said...

I felt this same way each time I added another child to my family no matter the way. It is hard to see the new way things will be and knowing that the present is so perfect makes us worry that we could mess that delicate balance up.

Your daughter is amazing and I do believe that God has called you to come and get her because she is your daughter.

BTW the comments about how great we are as adoptive parents is really annoying me at this moment. I have a half written blog post about it even.

Prayers for a wonderful journey and a happily ever after that is just as perfect as before.

Gretchen Magruder said...

Thanks for your kind words, everyone! We can't wait to begin this adventure with her!!