Rev. 2:2 "I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance. I know you don't tolerate evil people. You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have discovered they are liars. 3You have patiently suffered for me without quitting. 4But I have this complaint against you. You don't love me or each other as you did at first! 5Look how far you have fallen from your first love! Turn back to me again and work as you did at first. If you don't, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.
How can it be that I work hard, have patient endurance, don't tolerate evil, suffer without quitting....but I've lost my first love! What good is that? why go through the suffering, the work, the endurance....if I don't love Jesus more and more every day?! It's like spinning my wheels, going through the motions. Ick!! How offensive that must be to God!
I feel my life spinning out of control, and God has been pointing out several areas where this is evident. Really, it all comes down to focusing on this one thing: loving Jesus passionately.
So today is the first of many different days...I'm living today hyper-aware of God and my choices to love him or love other things.
I made a choice to spend time with Him when my alarm went off this morning.
I made a choice to not eat a brownie for breakfast.
I chose to work on organizing stuff instead of sitting in front of the computer.
I chose to trust God with some big stuff instead of worrying about it (several times throughout my day).
It feels alot like kicking a habit...but instead of smoking or drinking, it's loving myself. I can't say I'll never go back, I'll never mess up....but for today, I'm consciously loving Jesus.
And maybe, after doing it purposefully for awhile, it'll start to come naturally.