I hate my tears.
I can feel completely rational and clear-headed, and then start talking and almost immediately feel them welling up in my eyes...my lips start to quiver as I talk and I'm distracted from my own words long enough to whisper to myself, "just hold it together".
I hate feeling out of control.
But for some reason, this is how God made me. And I have known seasons so dark, so difficult, that tears would not come.
And so I smile through my tears and thank the Lord I'm not in control.