Thursday, May 26, 2005

Divorce

Sophia has been thinking alot about Divorce lately.....it all started at Christmas time when she noticed that Uncle ______ wasn't with Aunt ____.....we were trying to gently explain about how sometimes adults just can't get along and decide that it's better to live in different houses, when Sarah Jane piped in, "It's Divorce, isn't it?".

There it was...the "D" word became part of my children's vocabulary.

I think for Sarah Jane, it was kind of a relief to talk about it...she said she had heard other kids talk about their parents getting divorced...and of course, Arthur (the cartoon Aardvark) has a friend, Buster (the rabbit) whose parents were divorced.....

For Sophia, however, this was a totally new idea....that parents could decide to not live together any more and be divorced?! We told her in no uncertain terms that although other parents might get divorced, her dad and I had made a special agreement that we would never get divorced, even if we were really angry....She doesn't worry about her own parents, but it really does grieve her in some strange way to talk about other people we know who are divorced....at only 4 years old, I think at some level she really does understand the kind of pain involved in the shredding of a family....

So this has started the activity of counting how many mommies and daddies Todd has....parents he grew up with, newer step-parents, and now former step-parents....all very confusing.

A few weeks ago, Grandma had to explain to Sophia that she and Mr. B (long story) had gotten divorced and we probably wouldn't be seeing Mr. B anymore (Sophia was slightly relieved at that because she's scared to death of him). She told Sophia about how God hates divorce and it makes everyone sad, but in this case, I guess it was unavoidable....

Sophia showed wisdom beyond her age when she looked Grandma right in the eyes and said "I think you should go tell Mr. B you're sorry."

Maybe too little, too late.....but wise, none the less.

3 comments:

a moore said...

My sadness for Sophia is unspeakable. I'm so sorry she had to learn about divorce. What a terribly scary thing to explain to kids. I think I never had to learn about it because I was so young when my parents divorced. It didn't ever seem like a bad thing because I had never known it happened and we had such a good life. sigh for sarah jane and sophia...

Michael Tosh said...

Horray for Sophia and Sarah Jane! At such a young age they are handling a tough issue! Its sad they had to learn it so young, but they have shown strengyh beyond many adults!

Judging sophia's response I think you have the youngest marriage counciler in the country....And I think she has the best advice!

Jonathan said...

One of those "earliest memories" of mine is hearing mom and dad fight just after hearing that Aunt P was getting divorced. I was sure it was over for Mom and Dad. I hadn't understood that a marriage could have disagreements without ending. I'm pretty sure marriages can survive differences...I'll let you know if/when Amanda and I ever have one.